Sarah Wayne Callies
Sarah Wayne Callies
Walt Disney Studios
Very interesting, if nothing else!
Safety Smafety… who cares??!! LOL
Accurate Taglines: “The indirect way to whip your children in summer;” “As close as you can get to a live, loose python going for your throat in your own backyard;” “If this actually sells our next toy is just a screaming clown beating kids with a wiffleball bat.”
Accurate Taglines: “The game of balance, falling, head trauma, and needing someone else to feed and clean you for the rest of your life;” “Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, oh crap low ceiling or stairs;” “When you plummet face-first—and you will—remember to stick out your hands. Otherwise you’ll shatter your cheekbones and no matter how much reconstructive surgery you get it’ll always look like your eyes are slowly sliding towards your mouth.”
Accurate Taglines: “Until you’re old enough to suck on cigarette smoke why not inhale toxic plastic;” “The polyvinyl acetate says science! The noxious fumes says your kid will soon forget how to count;” “The balloons don’t actually come in swirling, psychedelic colors. You only see that once the liquid plastic blocks the air to your brain.”
Accurate Taglines: “Enjoy a vicious beat-down in your own living room;” “By the time these inflated gloves pop or fall off you’ll be in fighting shape to break your brother’s nose;” “How to channel your passive-aggressive anger into raining fists on your friend’s head all the while laughing and saying, ‘Aren’t we having fun? AREN’T. WE. HAVING. FUN?!?”
Accurate Taglines: “Pull the release and the sword’s blade extends two feet…unfortunately, your friend was one foot away;” “Until steak knives and fireplace pokers are considered toys you’ll always have this;” “It’s the very spring-loaded sword the Power Rangers would use if suddenly their show took place in the middle of a gang riot or prison laundry room.”
Accurate Taglines: “Rest the bazooka on your shoulder right up against your ear and listen as the extremely loud air blast becomes the last thing you ever hear again;” “No, really, the air blast actually rendered children deaf;” “Seriously, that’s a young Kurt Russell in the ad who by all right should be acting through sign language or screaming due to the air blast that shattered ear drums as well as knocked down cardboard buildings in a really cool, fun fashion.”
If you hear someone on the streets of NYC say any of the following phrases, you know they must be from out of town
1. Cash only? Cool!
2. You know, I wish more people would take their bicycles on the subway.
3. Stop-and-frisk has been such a vital and evenhanded approach to law enforcement in this town.
4. Lena Dunham? No, I don’t really have a strong opinion about her.
5. I need some excitement. I think I’ll go to a Mets game.
6. Sure, I’ll run into Whole Foods and get that for you—meet you back here in five minutes!
7. That guy rocking back and forth on his subway seat, mad dogging everyone and muttering angrily to the air…I think I’ll go see what’s up with him.
8. But how can I cross the street? The Walk sign isn’t on!
9. I’m hungry, let’s head to Times Square for dinner.
10. You know who deserves to live in that penthouse apartment? A Russian billionaire and his 20 motorcycles.
11. I can’t wait to see that Addams Family musical again!
Photograph: Joan Marcus
12. Mmm…someone should make a cologne that smells just like this subway station elevator.
13. Babe who?
14. These horses dragging tourists around Central Park seem so happy and content and full of life.
15. I can see that you’ve been waiting longer than I have. Please, take this cab.
16. Do you have this Statue of Liberty–themed New York T-shirt in my size?
17. The hardest thing about parking my car is that I’m always so spoiled for choice.
18. I grew up here in Williamsburg.
19. Stopping at that Scientology info table sure was worth my time!
20. The coolest bars in the city can be found in Midtown East.
21. What’s Elmo doing in Times Square? Let’s go ask him!
Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user ‘InSapphoWeTrust’
22. It doesn’t matter which comedy club you go to—they’re all pretty awesome, and every comedian is funny.
23. How cool is this—a mariachi band in the subway car!
24. I just love our low-stress public-school system.
25. That real-estate broker was so honest and helpful!
26. Ouch! Why is this pizza so crispy?
27. Boy, these Chinatown streets sure are spacious and quiet.
28. Wow, Noah is already out on DVD? Three copies, please!
29. My neighborhood has been so much cooler ever since they put in all the new condos.
30. I don’t really have an opinion on that.
31. Let’s go to Staten Island!
32. I just found this great new dermatologist! Maybe you’ve heard of him? Dr. Zizmor?
33. I’m going to miss Mark Sanchez.
34. I still miss Tim Tebow.
35. Whoa, let’s be careful and let that car pass by first.
36. A moment of my time? Sure! Heck, you can have ten minutes.
37. I can’t wait to settle down and start having kids.
38. I got this mattress off the street!
39. Does this fanny pack make me look fat?
40. That record-store clerk might just be the nicest fellow I’ve ever met.
41. It was so easy to get to this show at Terminal 5!
42. Suggested admission at the Met seems a bit low. Here, take a few more dollars.
43. Thank goodness all of my favorite restaurants and bars are still in business.
44. I wish it had snowed more this winter.
45. Three hours? No problem. I’m sure your pancakes/cocktails/tacos are totally worth it.
46. What a well-maintained, fully operational public bathroom!
47. No, it’s fine—just keep swiping your MetroCard, you’re bound to get it right soon.
48. This cab smells wonderful!
49. You know who seems nice? My super.
50. Let’s do a big shopping trip to Trader Joe’s this Sunday.
51. I look forward to my daily commute on the L. I like to think of it as “me time.”
Photograph: Michael Tapp
52. I have enough money in my savings account.… Think I’ll bump up my 401k contributions.
53. You’re a cabbie and don’t know the way to Dumbo? No biggie—we can work it out together!
54. Hey, would you mind turning up the volume on your headphones? I’d love to hear that song while I’m reading.
55. A single empty subway car at rush hour? Is it my lucky day?!?
56. Cute, a bunch of strollers!
57. These cigarettes are cheap.
58. Select Bus Service is the definition of rapid transit. Such an improvement!
59. It’s Friday night! Let’s go to Meatpacking with a promoter!
60. I can always find time to get to the post office.
61. Let’s take a stroll along the FDR.
FDR Photograph: Ryan Vaarsi
62. Been dating some finance guys lately. So respectful and classy!
63. Kids and brunch—so adorable.
64. Ugh, enough free summer concerts already!
65. I’m ready to admit I never should have moved to Brooklyn.
66. OMG, I’m such a Hannah.
67. I wish there was a Duane Reade nearby.
68. The Louis Vuitton bags that guy’s selling on that table are dirt cheap. Seems legit.
69. This deli needs a bigger cream-cheese selection.
70. Excuse me.
I must have those bowls LOL